How to live free of worry in 2022

 Every time you have no way to meet a need in your life, your likely natural response will be to worry. And with limitations on time, how much you know, how much you [can] have, etc. being part of what makes you human, it is obvious you will never be able to meet all your needs. This means worrying is an inescapable reality for you in the New Year.

Therefore, in light of the above, it is important that you carefully choose what you will turn to for help when your limitations leave you open to worry.

To help you choose well, I examine three of the most common options people turn to to stay free of worry—money, witchcraft and God.

Money

Although with money you can acquire many things you desire in life, some things in life just cannot be bought. For example, a happy family, true friends, a faithful spouse, responsible children and inner peace, all have no price tag.

Therefore, putting your trust in money and prioritising its accumulation in 2022 hoping that it will shield you from worry by getting you everything you need in life is bound to leave you disappointed and still worried.

Witchcraft

Just like money, there are things/challenges witchcraft just cannot fix. This means that witchcraft too is incapable of keeping your life free of worry indeed.

Furthermore, with witchcraft you also risk being left more worried because those who turn to witchcraft to shield them from worry must give something in exchange for this protection. And over time, meeting what was demanded by the gods can become a source of even greater worry than the worry that took you to the sorcerer in the first place.

God

In Matthew 6:25-34, God offers a formula to avoiding worry in life. God, who is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19), says you can have all your needs in life met (hence have no worry) if you seek His kingdom first.

But how do you seek first God’s kingdom so as to enjoy this abundant divine provision upon your life?

To answer the above question, think of God as an investor who sets up a company. Only employees of the company who do what the investor expects of them can be said to be seeking the company first.

God’s has explicitly told us that He wants us to spend our lives doing two things: loving Him and loving others. (Mark 12:30-31) And if you devote your life to loving God and others, and doing things for God and others (not for personal gain), then you are seeking God’s kingdom first.

Just as Jesus Christ demonstrated, God does not place any of us on earth to pursue selfish gain. For although Jesus was almighty, He never used His power to benefit Himself, not even on the cross where He chose to die instead of saving Himself.

Therefore, for a life free of worry in 2022, do not turn to money or witchcraft. Instead, love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love others as yourself and just as He has promised, God will provide for all your needs.

If human employers can provide their employees with all they need to be able to carry out their company duties, how much more will God provide for those dedicated to carrying out His kingdom’s mission on earth?

Happy New Year!

Seasons

 

Starting a business for the vulnerable may not deliver self-reliance

(As published in the Observer: https://observer.ug/viewpoint/71351-starting-a-business-for-the-vulnerable-may-not-deliver-self-reliance)

A friend recently told me his organisation is phasing out the giving of food to the vulnerable mothers living with HIV that they currently support because they realised handouts are not a sustainable intervention. 

The organisation has now embarked on training the mothers how to make petroleum jelly and soap so that when the handouts stop coming, the mothers can start selling the petroleum jelly and soap to earn an income to meet their needs.

This path of skilling beneficiaries and offering them capital to start their own businesses is one trod by a number of NGOs in Uganda because many see it as a more sustainable way to economically empower the vulnerable. But can this intervention deliver economic self-reliance for the vulnerable?

A number of studies of businesses in Uganda and world over report that most businesses never make it to their second birthday with one study placing the percentage of businesses that die within the first 18 months at 80%.

Obviously, without the capital to start and a product to sell, those failed businesses would never have appeared among the statistics of started businesses because those two are a must-have before any business can start.

The reasons, therefore, for the death of 80% of the businesses are not lack of capital or lack of a product to sell but rather the lack of other things needed to make a business work.

Good self-management skills, having a good team, keeping a positive attitude in all circumstances, marketing skills, negotiation skills, good time management, bookkeeping knowledge, resilience and good instincts are some of the other critical things and skills a business owner must possess to set up and run a profitable business.

In addition to having all the above skills and traits, the chances of a business becoming successful are much higher if the business is started out of the entrepreneur's self-initiative because building and running a business is an uphill task that relies heavily on the entrepreneur's self-confidence.

Unfortunately, even this is something most business owners created from NGOs' skilling initiatives will lack because starting a business (as a substitute to receiving handouts) is often the only available option that every beneficiary must embrace, willy-nilly.

All the realities mentioned above that characterize businesses born out of skilling initiatives by NGOs leave the businesses highly susceptible to premature death.

This means, using my friend's organisation as an example, that within 18 months from the time, they stop giving those vulnerable HIV positive mothers food handouts, 80% of them and their families will be in a worse state than they are now—with no food handouts and no business (a source of income).

Therefore, although hand-to-mouth handouts are indeed not sustainable, it is imperative that NGOs carefully examine their proposed alternative interventions to food handouts to ensure that those alternatives can deliver the economic empowerment they desire to achieve.

How social media is making you polygamous (Part Three)

Online, many of us today interact with tens and hundreds of people a day but without really relating with any of them. Our communications are limited to things that bring no discomfort such as jokes, inspirational messages, Bible verses with good promises, etc. (most of which are often forwarded). Anyone who sends us or posts messages that condemn or rebuke or oppose anything we do or believe in, that one we block, mute, unfollow or unfriend because we do not want any “negative energy”. We do not want to invest in understanding anyone but are always fiercely demanding to be understood.

Meanwhile, offline, we hardly focus on the people we are with to give them the attention they deserve because our minds are always wherever our phones are—wondering what our virtual friends have posted online. We keep our phones on as if there is a life support app installed on them. We do not miss any notification about a new message or an update from any of our online friends.

Essentially, we have relegated our physical interactions with others to a mere by the way to the point that any person—parents, siblings, children, friends, etc.—stands higher chances of getting our attention if they communicate to us via our social media channels even if we are only an arm’s distance away from them.

Without any meaningful interactions online and not caring much for real-life interactions, we today find ourselves in the same place as the polygamous man—having many relationships but all shallow.

This lack of depth to our relationships has greatly limited our individual growth and ability to reach our goals and dreams in life because we do not have the people (the most important ingredient for success) we need in our lives to enable us proper. The many “friends” that we have occupy a place so shallow in our lives we would rather die than tell them we have no food to eat. Meanwhile, we are also largely insignificant in people’s lives because we are only there with them when all is well.

We need to realise and appreciate what is at stake for us and be deliberate about meaningfully investing in our relationships with other people. Whatever dreams you have, whatever plans you have, you will, at the very least, need people to bring them to life because no man is an island.

Relating meaningfully with family, friends, or any other people—relating beyond convince—will without a doubt come with its load of unpleasant moments but we need to recognise the bonding opportunities those moments present us with and not dash to social media so they can pass.

Remember, only a friend in need is a friend indeed.

How social media is making you polygamous (Part Two)

In a polygamous relationship, convenience for the man, is elevated above commitment. If a man has two partners and there is something about his relationship with one of his partners that he does not like, he has the option of going to his other partner for a better experience. And the more partners he has, the higher his chances of never having to deal with anything he does not like about any of his partners. This is a very attractive type of relationship for the polygamous man because it feeds his carnal selfishness and greed.

Polygamy, however, in the long-term is very unfulfilling for both the husband and his partners. Commitment to a relationship only when it is convenient for you suffocates growth of that relationship and the parties in it. Whether is it business, education, faith, relationships, etc., undivided and unwavering commitment is required for growth to be realised.

But since polygamous relationships are designed to shield the polygamous man against having to deal with most/any of his partner’s unpleasant or low moments, the bonds formed in there are often shallow as the man and his partners never really get to know and bond with each other.

Just reflect upon your life and think about the people you hold dearest. How did those people become so dear to you and when did that happen? Is there any person you hold dear in your life on account of always being with you during your happy and good times?

It is during the low moments, the trying moments, in the midst of dealing with life’s challenges that we all want someone in our life. And whoever stands with us during those moments is the one we bond with most allowing them a very special place in our life. For the partner of a polygamous man, this special bond with her man is never realized because whenever a bonding opportunity avails itself disguised as challenges, the man is somewhere else in pursuit of comfort.

As a result, the polygamous man also never gets to experience affection from an intimate partner offering it from the deepest depths of her heart because none of his partners has allowed him that very special place in her heart because it is reserved only for the one who will be there for her through the thick and thins of life.

The hollowness and lack of depth in connection between a man and his partners in a polygamous relationship is something many of us today are also experiencing in our relationships with family and friends.

In many ways, thanks to social media, we behave like the polygamous man—always avoiding any moment in our relationships that requires our investment of time, openness, patience, physical presence, finances, etc. We too have elevated convenience over commitment. 

How social media is making you polygamous (Part One)

If monogamy and polygamy were products on sale, polygamy’s competitive advantage over monogamy would be the fact that it allows the one who practices it to enjoy the benefits of being in an intimate relationship without paying the full price of committing being in one.

It is easy to love someone, anyone, from a distance. But I can bet: everyone who has made the decision to get to know a person beyond their public image (which usually means starting to live with a person under one roof) has questioned if they really love their partner at all.

At the seabed of all human souls is a strong desire to be known and loved (for that is what true love is). Sadly, naturally, the more we know about a person, the lesser our willingness to continue loving them. 

When in love, we always convince ourselves that the person we are in love with is all good. This bubble, however, is soon burst when our lover's true nature is laid bare before us.

By default, we are all selfish. By default, we are all greedy. By default, we are all proud (stubborn to yield to any teaching, correction or discipline). These traits, deeply embedded within each human soul, are hard to detect in a non-intimate relationship because there, meddling in each other’s life is minimal.

On the other hand, choosing to have an intimate relationship is allowing another person to meddle in your life above the minimal with the often-accompanying assumption that your partner too has allowed you equal access in their life. It is this unrestricted access that allows a person in an intimate relationship to see their partner for who they truly are.

Unfortunately, because we all always make what is good about us public knowledge, most of what is often left to be discovered about a person is what is undesirable about them i.e. their selfishness, greed, pride, weaknesses, illnesses, etc.

An intimate relationship, therefore, can be defined as a journey one undertakes to get to know another person beyond what they like about them and committing to love them regardless of what they will find out about them. This is why in the Church of Jesus Christ, where marriage is monogamous, the vows for holy matrimony provide no way out of it until death. Marriage, as intending couples are always reminded before exchanging vows, is a decision one must take only after serious thought because loving a person whose shortcomings you have known is humanly very difficult.

To circumvent this difficulty, some have opted for polygamy where they get extra wives and/or mistresses—officially or otherwise.

Understanding COVID-19 teenage pregnancies in Uganda

For over 8 months now, almost every week, a headline announcing teenage pregnancies recorded in thousands in a district in Uganda has appeared in the press. These teenage pregnancies have been blamed on the closure of schools that was ordered by Government of Uganda as one of the measures to control the spread of COVID-19. But is it COVID-19 we should be blaming?

If a child fears to show up at school pregnant more than she fears showing up at home pregnant, what does that say about her parent(s) and the values of the family she comes from?

In Uganda today it appears majority of us have lost the ability to derive pleasure from any anything that is not sexual. The jokes cracked on radio stations are sexual; the songs topping the charts are filled with sexual lyrics; the trending music videos have very sexually suggestive dances; the trending clothes are those that leave little to imagine; etc.

This month, a judge of the constitutional court, justice Frederick Egonda-Ntende, asked, "What harm would result to society if publication, exhibition or other representation of images of sexual parts of the human body or sexual activities primarily for sexual excitement, is not prohibited?" The constitutional court went ahead and decriminalized the publication orexhibition of pornography in Uganda.

Surely, with all this sexual content that fills our mass media that we are promoting (even in our homes) and decriminalising, how can our children not be sexually active?

Values are caught, not taught. And whatever values we as a nation embrace and promote especially at family level, those, our children will pick up.